Speaking of Nerd Trolls--Howzabout "Trolling"?

Those n'er-do-well Scandinavian creatures to which we have been referring to: (nerd) "trolls" have sent me off on a quest for the true meaning of internet "trolling" now.

As I understand it, internet "trolls" attempt to bait others, either by going off topic or, alternately, staying somewhat on-topic but using sarcastic, insulting, demeaning, or patronizing language that will incense others to "flame." It's not unlike hate speech in the legal lexicon--it is so powerful that others cannot help but fly off the handle!

It all started when I encountered someone on gamespot who told me to "say goodbye to my thread" because I had used "A**hole" for "asshole" when I should have used only "A____." Instead of reporting me to the "mod" she pointed out my folly glibly, smugly. I looked her up and found that she does this on all the other forums, too--never engaging with others on the topic of discussion and only narc-ing on them and otherwise policing their language--even signing off with a link to a cyber crime site with .gov at the end.





So when I objected to her methods (calmly, rationally--I wasn't flaming), I was stunned at how many people called me "noob," "newbie" and the like--"learn the rules, dude." Hardly anyone said, Hey, You're right. You broke the rules, but she is trolling--so both of you quit it. No one pointed out her stupid ass American Flag avatar icon, either, probably because it cyberwind was blowing through their Gold-Bonded cyberballs.

It's like a weird version of Stockholm Syndrome in which narcs are more beloved the more they hypocritically cloak themselves in the mantle of "saving" the board from...what...swear words? On a board that was, admittedly, about a game in which you shoot people in the F**king head. I'm sorry, I mean F---- head.

No. I mean THE FUCKING HEAD, goddamit.

Everything is Completely Possible!

Do you want more?



That's some serious summarizing!

What? STILL want more?

A Rusty Nail Part II

In between Last Man and I Am Legend was the 1970s attempt at the apocalypse, Omega Man, starring "C-Dog" Heston, of course, but this one didn't give me nightmares. Oh wait, yes it did: the part in which he watches Woodstock over and over and over again, mouthing the hippies' lines word for word. Shudder.

In I Am Legend, the film Will Smith watches over and over is Shrek, and the one foodstuff he saves in his freezer, bacon. He attaches these memories to his absent family, as with the character in the original novel and film. But as you would expect, the setting is NYC (not LA) and Smith won't leave "ground zero" to explore the possibility of other survivors. Moreover, the film is ruined by bad CGI by once again inserting smooth, shiny surfaces where there should be dark, porous ones. A says that we will look back on the CGI era the way we do cheap color of the 40s and 50s with its garish pinks and greens.

I will say that there are a few poignant moments that give new meaning to the word "loneliness" and an excellent nod to Romero's positing of a "talented 10th" of zombies (well, vampires--they're called "hemocytes" actually) who start to think for themselves. Overall, however, none of the three films dared touch the theme running through the novel about the "lewd and lascivious" female vamp-zombs who attempt to lure him outside by strip-tease and masturbation. In I Am Legend, Smith experiments on a female hemocyte, and one might as, why her? In the novel, the question is given an explicit answer, and it's not pretty (though not necrophilic either).

I also saved myself another restless night without sleep by turning to another fundamentally amazing text, Blade Runner: The Final Cut. The audio is in 5.1, the transfer is sharper, and more gore was added (put back in--it was originally taken out); the bad stunt doubles and continuity problems were nixed completely. However, the accompanying documentary, Dangerous Days, was a nerd's delight! Sound the neeeeeeerd hornnnnnn. Three hours looooooooog! Bring your Hot Pockets and Gatoraaaaaade. You get to see screen tests of other actors trying out for Pris and Rachel--with the exact same lighting, smoke, and blocking!!! <---that's real enthusiasm, not sarcasm). Watching it has the odd effect of suggesting other replicants are "out there."

The most fascinating part of the doc was actually a socio-historical one: why did it fail at the box office during the summer of 1982? Because Reaganomics promised hope and happiness, not dark dystopia. Guess which film made the most that summer? E fucking T!!!! I remember that summer so well because everyone was crying over ET--I mean everyone. Oh and here are some other films Blade Runner had to compete with that summer: Beastmaster, Conan the Barbarian, Fast Times at Ridgemont High, Poltergeist, Star Trek II, Rocky III, The Thing, and Tron.

To conclude by reiterating CGI sucks (except in Buffy, in which it has a campy effect that actually heightens suspension of disbelief). As one of the producers of (the new) Battlestar Galactica series relates, "We often just say to the CGI people--give it that 'Blade Runner' look, and they know exactly what we mean." Ironically, there is no CGI in Blade Runner--it's all in-camera effects. We truly are ruled by computers and robots these days. The replicants have won:

A Rusty Nail....Part I

Last night I saw one of the scariest films of my life: Vincent Price in Last Man on Earth. How could I not have seen this film until now????? I cannot hold my head up high as a gothic/horror theorist. In fact, this film unites vampire and zombie mythology in one sutured text!

I was so scared that I could not sleep at all last night, not one wink. Oh, wait; yes, I slept for 10 minutes DURING WHICH I HAD NIGHTMARES, one of which was about my trying to get out of a basement full of vampire-zombies by opening one of those windows that swings up and out--only a bucket of long-ass railroad nails, rusty and iron-stinking, fell right on my head somehow. One nail managed to pierce me through the neck. I pulled it out, bleeding profusely and worried more about blood poisoning than the ghouls. Then I woke up.

You can watch the whole film on youtube, but here's a brief clip--watch only the first two minutes of this. Notice that Price isn't picking up dummies; they are real people. He's living in a private holocaust, complete with BURNING BODY PIT to which he makes daily deposits. Gahhhhhhhhhhhh! There is not one single cheesy thiing about this 1964 film and I'm not so sure Romero's first film is scarier. They're both pretty bleak. Stayed tuned for Part II, in which I read the original Matheson novel again, watch Omega Man and the Will Smith version. By the way, the phrase "I am legend" comes from a conversation Price has with a vampire who tells him that they all hate and fear him: he's "legendary" in the city. The book is written in the 3rd person; Price's film narrated in the 1st--though he never utters that phrase. It's one of the best titles ever, though I already know the WIll Smith film will suck--a lot.

Must....not...be...penetrated!

Hulu.com Launch

So tomorrow is the beginning of hulo.com's auspicious rise to fame. Hulu offers almost all of the TV we'd watch with cable, but--here's the downside--it's ad-supported. However, apparently you can pick the kinds of ads you want to see. If I can pick movie trailers only, then I'm down. I am so fucking down. Gimmeh gimmeh gimmeh mooooore.....

If--and this is a BIG if--hulu.com gets as big as projected, Netflix will see a big drop in TV on DVD requests and iTunes will have to slash their video prices if not eliminate them completely. Youtube will also go back to being a amateur vid site primarily, as the pirated shows won't need to be ripped.

So here's what I'm worried about: some other site will come along and offer HBO, Cinemax, VHI classics, etc. for a small fee, and thus reinstate the same cable/pay division we had before. Anyone else anticipate how this or other sites like it will alter viewing habits, the Habermasian public sphere, etc.?

So Objectively Speaking....

...this is good, right? None of us has to actually like opera, talent contests, or the stereotypes about people's teeth in the United Kingdom to agree that this is one fucking amazing voice!