More Buffalo Than Buffalo: The Savages

Okay, guys. Prepare yourself for this movie. Remember how Buffalo '66 captured the Buffalo suburbs a little too well, especially that lump of a mother-zombie chanting "go! go!" to the Bills? That was nothing.

The Savages stars our fav, P.S. Hoffman, of course, and guess what? He's a lot like us. He teaches lit at UB (he's got the Ph D, but he's more like a TA; you'll see what I mean), lives near Tupper in a horrible apartment full of puke David Lynch green wallpaper--but nice wood trim, and gets distracted by the gloomy Buffalo skyline, the bare trees of winter, etc. His sister (Laura Linney) just assumes he's depressed BECAUSE HE LIVES IN BUFFALO. And when her illicit, married, lover visits her (chiming, "I've never been to Buffalo!"), but then barely checking it out and skipping straight to Niagara Falls, he drags her to the Days Inn where an attempt at sex fails. Why? Because it's Buffalo! She even says, "Look at us! We're at a motel--in Buffalo--it's such a cliche!"

Of course the whole movie is about how we're all going to die eventually. That and the fact that the two middle-aged siblings lie to each other and themselves about their "achievements." She writes plays; he's studies them. A student asks him in that Buffalo-Valley-Girl accent, "What's the difference between plot and narrative? You, um, wrote it on the board." Hoffman lumbers back and forth across the classroom floor and can't quite answer. You just know what he's thinking.

This isn't really a movie review--non-sequitor, now, sort of. I've been toying around with the idea of writing my autobiography and I asked my dad who should play grad student me; you know, the lumpy, torpid, sit in a chair all day me. Answer? Philip Seymore Hoffman. Thanks, dad. Thanks alot. Wait. Shouldn't I take it as a complement? My dad genuinely likes him and has seen him only in Capote and some other relatively "good" role--not Dear Liza or Happiness. So he knows not what he's said. Oh well. We are ALL Philip Seymore Hoffman.

Just briefly--the reason I may have to write my autobiography is because of this book. It features my mom and stepdad as anecdotal warm-ups to each chapter. You know. Sociologists always use "human interest" stories to put a humna face on their data and theories. The chapters start with my mom and then move outward to show her as an example of the larger picture, and then finally end by showing how hippie men were heteronormative, etc. It's everything I've always wanted to say about where I grew up as a kid, but I'm not objective enough. Finally, someone else has done it.

It's VERY WEIRD how it features me as the "preschool kid" who arrives at the Garden of Eden with a naive mother and a shy stepfather, both of whom so badly need an identity that for the rest of my life I will be fighting an uphill battle against their politics. I'm sure publishers will see the irony of all this and give my own story a chance. It's all so meta. That now means all of YOU will be in it, too. Okay, so what do you want me to call you guys in it? How about I just put dialogue in your mouths like, "Man, B, you should write this down! It's destiny."

Bhutto's Death

I'm inclined to believe that the only reason she could not fulfill all of her campaign promises to help Pakistani women is that the opposition to her power was so great that she had to expend most of her energy fighting that. I also believe that she had to (mis)manage money in order to fight the true corruption at hand. I'm just starting to read all the history, but clarifications are welcome.

Blood Orgy--Yayyyy!!!!

We at Hatchety-Murder strive to bring you the very best in funny violence, but around Christmas it becomes quite a problem to find the appropriately themed links and embeds. Unfortunately, we aren't a fan of "Grandma Got Run Over by a Reindeer," for obvious reasons, but we still yearn for some relief from holiday stress by enjoying an Xmas song or skit that would not be appropriate for work. Nothing beats South Park's Woodland Critters' Christmas. This is just a little something to take the sting off.

Riddle Me This!

One day someone asked me if I'd eat raw hamburger off of Zooey Deschanel and I seriously considered it. I'll cross that bridge when I come to it. The other day, I found out that M. Night Shyamalan's new movie, The Happening, will star her. Oh no. Now the riddle has come true! What do I do? I could stare endlessly at this hip girl-next-door beauty, but ever since Lady in the Water, I'm worried that the narrative will be simply painful and unwatchable, not good-bad, but bad-bad.

In related "Night News," I would like you all to read a hilarious group of flamers debate Night's tendency to rip off older texts. (If link doesn't work, go to his imdb page, click threads, and scroll down to the "which Twilight Zone/Outer Limits will he rip off next?" discussion.

UPDATE 1/17--OKAY: COPIED AND PASTED BELOW:

Board: M. Night Shyamalan

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which Twilight Zone/Outer Limits episode will he rip off next?
by frankduxvandamme (Fri Nov 23 2007 15:18:05)
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hmm...
Re: which Twilight Zone/Outer Limits episode will he rip off next?
by In_Excess (Fri Nov 23 2007 19:39:46)
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Which ones has he ripped off before? Hmmmm, NONE.
Re: which Twilight Zone/Outer Limits episode will he rip off next?
by frankduxvandamme (Sat Nov 24 2007 17:20:28)
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Which ones has he ripped off before? Hmmmm, NONE.


the sixth sense.

there were at least 5 episodes of TZ where the main character was dead and didnt know it. then the big twist at the end of the episode was the character realizing he or she was dead the entire time.

The Village.

there were several episodes of both the TZ and the new Outer Limits involving the isolation of a community not aware of their own isolation, until the end.
Re: which Twilight Zone/Outer Limits episode will he rip off next?
by RequiemForADyingPlanet (Sat Nov 24 2007 20:40:19)
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Shyamalan fans refuse to acknowledge that their messiah is a plagiarist.

By giving factual examples you force them to resort to denial (which they will, mark my words).
Re: which Twilight Zone/Outer Limits episode will he rip off next?
by In_Excess (Mon Nov 26 2007 06:29:42)
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UPDATED Mon Nov 26 2007 06:31:05

the sixth sense.

there were at least 5 episodes of TZ where the main character was dead and didnt know it. then the big twist at the end of the episode was the character realizing he or she was dead the entire time.

The Village.

there were several episodes of both the TZ and the new Outer Limits involving the isolation of a community not aware of their own isolation, until the end.


You have never seen an episode of TZ before have you? Direct me to the EXACT EPISODES in which you claim Night ripped off. Otherwise, I do not believe it. I want you to prove these ridiculous allegations, especially the "at least 5" and "several episodes." Also, if Night rips those off, pretty much EVERY twist movie ever made ripped off TZ as well. The Others, Fight Club, Usual Suspects, Jacob's Ladder, etc. I'd like you to point out a twist film where the twist hadn't been done in SOME way in the past. There is nothing completely original left, at least as far as the twists are concerned.
Re: which Twilight Zone/Outer Limits episode will he rip off next?
by RequiemForADyingPlanet (Mon Nov 26 2007 06:58:04)
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UPDATED Mon Nov 26 2007 06:58:47
Here are some examples of TZ episodes Shyamalan ripped off:


The Passerby - 10/6/61

A Confederate soldier rests with a weary woman waiting for her husband to return from battle. They realize they're dead along with the many soldiers walking down the road towards the afterlife.



The Hitch-Hiker - 1/22/60

A woman traveling across the country, keeps encountering the same mysterious hitch-hiker everwhere she goes. She later finds out that she had died on the trip and he's the Angel of Death.


He even stole his idea for LITW


The Bewitchin' Pool - 6/19/64

Two children escape through a magical portal in their pool, into a peaceful world for children.


Looks like In_Excess has to eat his words....AGAIN!




Re: which Twilight Zone/Outer Limits episode will he rip off next?
by In_Excess (Mon Nov 26 2007 12:56:15)
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UPDATED Mon Nov 26 2007 12:57:52
Looks like In_Excess has to eat his words....AGAIN!


You are an idiot. That is not "proof" of anything. In fact, anyone will be hard pressed to prove that Night ripped off any episode of TZ. What you have is two episodes where people realize they have been dead all along, so what? How does that BROAD realization prove that Night ripped off TZ? For all you know Rod Serling ripped off other sources for those episodes. I'm certain that Serling wasn't the first person on Earth to come up with the concept of someone realizing they were dead all along. Also, again, if that is enough "proof" for you to label Night as a plagiarist, you shouldn't have a problem labeling 90% of the filmmakers out there plagiarists as well.

Your last Bewitchin' Pool example is supposed to prove what exactly? Oh no, Lady in the Water has a pool that a Narf uses to live in, must be a rip of TZ!!! Yours and the OP's assertions are completely ludicrous. Again, you cannot take broad areas of a plot and say that it was ripped off. They are general enough to be mere coincidences. It's like saying Star Wars ripped off 2001 because they both took place in outer space. The only "rip off" criticism I am willing to entertain is the Running Out of Time v. The Village, which at least has some SPECIFIC detail that overlaps. Try again Jeremey.
Re: which Twilight Zone/Outer Limits episode will he rip off next?
by RequiemForADyingPlanet (Mon Nov 26 2007 13:53:18)
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I guess writing bogus posts defending your director keeps your mind off the fact that you still have to eat your words. I gave proof. You couldn't handle that, your angry rant proves it.

Hopefully your next attempt isn't as pitiful.

How do those words taste, "moron"?
Re: which Twilight Zone/Outer Limits episode will he rip off next?
by In_Excess (Mon Nov 26 2007 16:08:34)
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I guess writing bogus posts defending your director keeps your mind off the fact that you still have to eat your words. I gave proof. You couldn't handle that, your angry rant proves it.

Hopefully your next attempt isn't as pitiful.

How do those words taste, "moron"?


Just when I thought Jeremey couldn't get any more stupid, he gives us this classic post. Go look up the definition of "proof" before shooting your mouth of again idiot. I can't believe I have to explain these things to you. Again, when I asked for PROOF I asked for CONCRETE evidence to defend your moronic assertions. What you have provided as your "proof" is not even close to that. Your idiocy continues to astound me Jeremey.
Re: which Twilight Zone/Outer Limits episode will he rip off next?
by RequiemForADyingPlanet (Mon Nov 26 2007 19:47:10)
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What more concrete evidence do you want? I gave CLEAR EXAMPLES of TZ stories that MIRRORED Shyamalan films.

Of course, you're probably holding out for an audio recording of Shyamalan admitting his guilt. If that's the proof your holding out for, keep holding your breath.

Your redundant circular logic is amusing. I'm sure it gets you through the day.


1234

I Think I Might Be Turning into a Young Fogey

http://www.motherearthnews.com/DIY/1972-03-01/How-to-Use-a-Straight-Razor.aspx


Or, I just want to be John Cleese in The Meaning of Life (remember the war/shaving scene?)

I've been fascinated by these lately....sorry....

Most fights on the site are either too dumb or too violent for me to watch (especially between the guys, with blood, etc.), but the "girl fights" are interesting in that someone inevitably pulls another's hair (or they both do), others are prevented from "jumping in" and that most of the hitting is really slapping, with minimal physical harm done (even when harm COULD be done) at the privilege of harm to one's reputation. (Men attempt to destroy both, seeking to drive home the point in the most literal fashion.) In one video a group of Malibu types are filmed by someone's little brother (watch it to the end), in another chickens break up a rabbit fight, thus proving that chicken's are not as dumb as some may thing--please don't eat them anymore, dear meat-eaters. The last video is just...well...not what you think.













And in case the links don't show up in your browser, copy and past:
http://www.psfights.com/fight-video-1678.htm

http://www.psfights.com/fight-video-1534.htm

http://www.psfights.com/fight-video-1514.htm

http://www.psfights.com/fight-video-1468.htm

http://www.psfights.com/fight-video-1478.htm

Ahhhg, help me out BEM!

So this is what I bought last week, thinking it was the good stuff:






But it wasn't good; rather, it wasn't smooth, not like the Old Charter BEM introduced last summer. Was this it?

Yes, No, Fuck, I Dunno

The torment.


I've been saving up for this massage chair for months, selling everything I can part with on ebay/half.com and hoping that my birthday check would bring me up to where I want to be.

Then the guilt set in. Guilt for luxury. I don't "deserve" it--right? Who deserves such a contraption?

But the right side of my body is completely fucked. I get headaches, vertigo, and queasiness. All because of my tendency to hunch, clench, and stiffen.

The massage chair makes it allllll goooooo awayyyyyyyyyyyyyyy...

But it can't massage away the guilt. SO. All my savings--the safety net in case this my house gets sick (some $5,000 and change, all of my birthday money ($1000) and all of my saved up ebay money $1700 are ALL GOING TO MY CREDIT CARD COMPANY INSTEAD. No. Chair.

The relief of getting out of debt (somewhat) is as good as a massage.



But there's more. I just I saw a place online that is DISCOUNTING the chair nearly 40% for Christmas time.

Oh fuck. I spent the money.

Or did I?

I used enough of the check to pay outstanding bills for a month, I just got my rent checks, I get paid on Friday, and the store has NO PAYMENTS FOR ONE YEAR at NO INTEREST RATE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I could pay about half and be "okay with it."

Fuck. I dunno guys. WhatshouldIdowhatshouldIdowhatshouldIdooooooooooo???????????????????

I'm fucking 35 years old as of tomorrow! This thing will de-stress me at a moments notice. I've been crying into my Scotch about this thing for almost two years now....

Comments?